Fertility Center · Medical Stuff

Frustrated

This is the post in which I whine and gripe about trying to get pregnant. If that’s not your thing in this moment then I’ll catch ya on another post. If you’re there with me or just into a moment of TTC solidarity, then read on.

SO and I made our first attempt at getting pregnant in February. March we did not attempt (can’t remember why). Following that there was a RE referral and subsequent testing where we learned that my uterus was already implanted with a largish polyp and therefore no further attempts at implanting a fetus would be made until that situation was remedied. As a result, April was a bust.

My surgery date rolled around in early May. Ok, great. One polyp explanted, let’s move on to implanting a baby. The May cycle was strange as a result of the polyp removal as well as starting Letrozole. That cycle was unsuccessful.

June our donor was on vacation. Ok, no problem. Because he would not be around, the RE recommended that I not use Letrozole for that cycle. Sweet, less pills. Cue me eagerly awaiting my July cycle. Well, I must have been a bit too eager because I normally ovulate on day 18 of my cycle and I ovulated on day 12. Wouldn’t have been too big of a deal except my luteal phase was only 8 (!!!) days long. I had a 20 day cycle, y’all. As if having 2 periods in one month isn’t annoying enough, the short cycle means that I will likely ovulate around July 9th…which is the day our donor gets back into town after another trip. So now I’m hoping that the July cycle is not out.

I’ve had some issues with our RE as well. The way their office is run is that you send messages through the portal and then the office staff will either respond if your query is something that they can help with or they will forward the message on to the RE and she will respond. Now, don’t get me wrong, I really like my RE. She’s smart as hell and I think she is highly competent. But she tends to trickle out information instead of giving the whole picture. For instance, after my last attempt was unsuccessful she sent me a message saying she would see me on day 1,2, or 3 of my next cycle (this one) to start Letrozole for the July cycle attempt.

Based on that, I had it in my head that I just needed to get the prescription filled and I would be good to go. I messaged the RE’s office to find out how to get the prescription and the nurse wrote me back to let me know that I needed to come in for an ultrasound before starting Letrozole. Oh, ok… Except SO and I were headed out of town ourselves the very next day for almost 2 weeks and this was the first I was hearing about me needing an ultrasound. The nurse said I could get some labs drawn in lieu of the ultrasound and said she would send over the requisition. She also said that I had my last ultrasound on day 12 of the May cycle (my first medicated one) and asked if I wanted to schedule an ultrasound for July 5th for this cycle, which would be day 12.

At this point I’m freaking out– according to my count that ultrasound happened on day 15 of my cycle and ovulation was 48 hours later. I’m confused by this and ask questions. I also let her know that our donor won’t be available until July 9th which is problematic if I will be ovulating so soon. I asked if there is any way this cycle can be salvaged– can ovulation be delayed? I ask why my cycle was so short last time, was it because I took Letrozole the previous cycle and if so, moving forward can I just take Letrozole each month regardless of whether I will be meeting with our donor so that my cycles will be regular for organizing plane tickets, schedules, and hotels? And lastly that I was happy to get labs if given that my donor would possibly not be around for the upcoming cycle the nurse thought it would be a good idea. My RE was out of the office at this point so I was hoping that the nurse would at least get back to me about the labs.

Crickets. I got crickets.

Not a single message or phone call from them all day. I decided that I would check in with Labcorp to see if there was an order for labs. I couldn’t even tell them what labs were being drawn because I didn’t know. No lab requisition either! At this point it was taking everything in me to draft a polite yet firm message to the RE’s office requesting better follow up and communication.

I mean, I just feel like if the nurse decided based on my message that she wouldn’t be sending over a lab requisition would it have been so hard to send a message letting me know that? Or if she was unable to answer my questions, why was there no follow up message letting me know that she had forwarded the message to the RE and the RE would be getting back to me? And lastly and maybe most importantly, why am I so out of the loop for my own care?!

Why does it feel like even though it’s my body I have no control over any of this? 

Out of the last 5 months I have made 2 attempts at getting pregnant. TWO. I just want to actually try and get pregnant instead of waiting around to try and get pregnant. I am a patient person but this is wearing me down. I recently dreamt my sister told me she was pregnant and I started ugly crying in my sleep. SO shook me awake thinking I was having sleep paralysis. I mean, it’s funny but also really frustrating. And if you knew my sister and the level of frozen over hell there would have to be in order for her to actually be pregnant (firmly in the child free camp!) then it would put this dream further into context. My subconscious literally thinks that my sister has a better chance of getting knocked up than I do.

So my current state of affairs is that things have been really frustrating and I’m starting to wear thin. I’m really sick of waiting and I feel frustrated with my RE’s communication style. I like lots of information. I like research articles. I like to feel like I am a part of my treatment plan. I ask plenty of questions and I am no slouch at dealing with specialists. I have had more than my fair share of the medicalized life thanks to multiple sclerosis. Yet somehow I still have no clue what is happening with my reproductive system. I don’t know what the treatment plan is or key bits of information like the need for ultrasounds.

As a result of poor communication with my RE’s office my chances for attempting in July are pretty low. I’m trying like hell to will my ovaries to ovulate later.

My trip with SO was awesome though. We snorkeled, swam, kayaked, sailed, watched the sunset, drank beer, played magic, watched manatees float lazily around the boat docks, shopped and in general enjoyed the shit out of each other’s company. It was perfect.

 

Thanks for reading my ranty post.

 

 

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